July 6, 2010

Yesterday is tomorrow... tomorrow is already gone...

It is hard to believe that two months have passed since I wrote the following:

"And now it hits me… finally. An overwhelming feeling of immediacy, the feeling that I have indeed very little time from now till my departure to Kenya (or lots, depending from which angle you look at it)

A mixture of anxiety, excitement, adrenaline, impatience, lot’s of “to do”s, anticipation, joy and a belly full of butterflies. This is how I’m feeling right now, this is how I woke up. The calmness I felt yesterday having spent the whole day on my own, has suddenly transformed into an emotional turmoil.

As I write my shopping list for tomorrow, I envision moments in Kenya that I can’t even imagine. I’m planning things like not shaving or wearing deodorant or not giving a fuck about my hair. Once I land, I want to stop “worrying” about these insignificant things that have been branded in me by society. I want to solely focus on all the reasons why I’m embarking in this adventure; some of these I know, some I will discover there. I understand that it may be gross and the men in my group may not appreciate it, but here and now I want to try what it would be like to not care. For some reason I feel that once I land in Africa I will be able to free myself from all the taboos society has imposed on me.

I look at my packing list and it pretty much sounds like for the next month, I will be living in the jungle or something like it. I really hope so. Mosquito net, sleeping bag, duct tape, headlamps, carabineers and lots and lots of bug repellent. It’s so freaking exciting! I can’t wait to detach myself from the city, break free from society and let go of its rigid structure. I’m so excited to get a chance to live the simple life, working together with a group of people that has been nothing but amazing from day one.

My heart is beating so fast now, I think is ready to abandon my chest and fly out the window. “I’ll catch you in Kenya” it says. The anticipation is just amazing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Four days and so so much to do. From watching films at the Hot Docs, to meeting for coffee with one of the directors I met yesterday, to visiting a kindergarten school and spending the afternoon with my friend’s mom and her students -learning what is most likely to be my side-career. I need to buy socks, camping gear, clothes and equipment tomorrow, party tonight, drum circle after our last meeting, hanging out with friends, etc. etc. etc. But the more I think of what I need to do, the more anxious I get. Oh well, let’s just keep moving then. Doing rather than thinking is what always calms me down…

I want to thank my team for being so amazing, for making this happen, for believing, for sacrificing, for achieving the unthinkable, for thinking the unthinkable, for the amazing energy that has been flowing in each meeting, even when the level of tiredness was up to the roof. It has been great and we haven’t even left… Yaaaaaaaay! See you all tomorrow.

Thank You Dancing Dani // Thank You Adventurous Andrew // Thank You Rocking Robin // Thank You Dreamy Darya // Thank You Super Steven // Thank You Magical Majalyn // Thank You Acrobatic Ahmad // Thank You Funny Filipe // Thank You Eager Emma // Thank You Joking Jeffrey // Thank You Magnificent Miranda // Thank You Interesting Isaac // Thank You Corageous Caroline

And of course… amazing Agata! HAKUNA MATATA!!!"


So where does time go? Does it really exist? I find myself reading something I wrote two months ago and it only seems like yesterday... and it only seems like a million years ago. So much has happened, so many experiences lived, laughter shared, tears cried and all I keep in my heart is the joy that accumulates daily for all the lovely people I have met on the way.

I did manage to go without shaving for the entire month, I didn't care about my hair or how I looked. I took every single moment in and pushed myself out of my comfort zone entirely, several times. It is hard to reproduce all I have learned, shared, felt and experienced but the one thing I can say right now is that I'm grateful for every single second lived. I look forward to the now because the one thing I have learned and keep confirming is that yesterday is tomorrow and tomorrow is already gone. All I have, all I am, is the present moment...