March 28, 2010

Sunday... not a fun day (draft saved but never published)

I found the draft of this entry that I wrote in March. It was never published because it wasn't finished (still isn't) but I'd like to share it today...

It appears to be that Sundays are my "thinking-way-too-much" days. Since I woke up this morning, my mind has been going in circles like a carousel, same thoughts arising over and over again. It has been too long since I sat down and write what's on my mind, so I decided to let myself pour out onto this blog.

Much has been happening lately. Ever since that night in which I died and was reborn, I have been able to focus my attention and make productive use of my energy. It all started with the compromise of not having sex for a month. It has been longer than that and I don't miss it. It's actually quite hard to believe that this would ever happen to ME, but it's happening and it's difficult to explain the reasons why I made this decision, or even the effects that this pact with myself is having on my persona. It feels good in many levels because I realize how obsessed I was over sex and that led to finding the roots of this obsession. The problem wasn't the moment but the afterward. I understand now that even though I had convinced myself to believe certain things -and what a good of a liar I was to me, sooner or later I had to face the truth.

So what is that truth? Happiness is easy, what is hard is the process it takes to find that permanent state of inner peace. The road to get there is full of bumps and shortcuts, which will appear to take you there faster. But at the end of the day, taking those will take you right back to where you started. So, NO shortcuts! The long way is the hardest but it's guaranteed to take you there.

There are a couple of rules that need to be followed to find this peace I talk about; maybe not rules but steps. Each step of the way gets harder and harder. The deeper you dig the more shit you find and it's smelly, it pisses you off and it will make you want to quit. But don't there is light at the end of the tunnel, most importantly tunnels are fun if you let go of your fear of the dark.

So far, I have come to learn the following:

I can almost certainly say that this is the number one rule. You will NOT find peace unless you are honest to and with yourself. Eventually, that will allow you to communicate honestly with others. After having found your own truth, you will recognize bullshit instantly; either coming from others or your own. This has many advantages but certainly some side effects that you will not like at the beginning (sooner or later you will get used to it and even appreciate it, those side effects will make you feel you are still a human being) I will explain side effects later on.
What does it mean to be honest with others? It doesn't necessarily mean you always have to speak your mind and communicate your every thought -hard thing for me to avoid. It means to be able to listen and pay attention to others needs, it means to speak from the heart, to have pure intentions, to wish well and to step out of your comfort zone for those who are not there yet. It is better to say a truth that hurts than a lie that promotes idiocy.

What is it to be honest with yourself? This is TOUGH but once you have come to this point, everything else will follow, unfolding and manifesting effortlessly. Once you are honest with yourself, when you manage to calm your ego down and let your heart speak, unfiltered by your rational mind full of fears and "buts", then you understand what is it that you really want. Figuring out what you WANT rather than what you DO NOT want means that the Universe will conspire for you to be happy. YES. Once you know what you want, you will desire it, you will be ready for it and it will come to you. Your world is a direct result of your thought. If you think you want something but deep inside you don't know why you want it, either it won't happen or the opposite of what you think you want will manifest. Why? because not getting what you want is getting what you need. The only way to know what you need is to be honest with yourself. If you learn to want what you need the world will be your playground, life will be nothing but a meaningful and precious gift and you will not know sadness. Being honest with yourself is hard and can be a painful process, but if you ride the wave rather than trying to control the ocean, there will be no pain, just joy...

What are the side effects of honesty? To begin with, people may not appreciate it and for sometime you may feel that everyone thinks you are a pretentious bastard. That's fine. It means you actually are. Because as I said earlier, as you become more transparent and honest with yourself and others, you speak truth because it comes from a place that is not your own and you become selfless. The difficulty lays in the fact that sometimes is hard to know when you are being honest with good intentions or only because you pride yourself in the fact that you "know" so much. However, time and wisdom makes you humble. When your intentions are pure, you understand that this truth was given to all of us, but not everyone is listening to their hearts, so they can't yet be wise.

I find myself going back and forth between an over-inflated ego and a very humble self. This takes me to rule #2: Keeping your intentions pure.

If whatever is it that your doing is solely for your own benefit, then stop doing it. This one is tricky to explain but I will do my best. Many times we think we are being generous because we seem to convince ourselves that we know exactly what the other person needs are. It is interesting how we think. We can't figure our own lives out but we pretend to have it all figured out for others.

YES! This is a big one. You need to make decisions in order to achieve inner peace. Too many open doors leads to not walking through any of them. It is all right to have a couple of windows open, in case you have to do and emergency exit. However, too many options will have you stand still with indecisiveness. In the times we live in, we are presented with so many options daily that is difficult to not go insane. People are try spending most of the time choosing rather than doing. So I say, decide. It doesn't have to be a definite decision, but the moment you decide what it is that you want to go after, it will happen. It's not that complicated. If you are wondering which corner to turn, and you stand there thinking of all the reasons why you should or should not turn a specific corner, you obviously are not walking. Decide and go. You can always come back to where you started if that corner wasn't the best option. But you will never know until you do it so, for as much as I dislike quoting a corporation I will say one thing "Just Do It". It's better to try and to fail than to think to much and do nothing. Failure, here comes #4.


#5 - TRUST
Trust yourself,

#6 - BE FREE





Reality is based solely on perception. The more obscured your perception is by judgment, ego and the lack of confidence, the less fulfilling your life will be. Don't get me wrong, people manage to go through life, blinded by their own shit and they still do good. This mini-guide to Peace of Mind is simply a way to enjoying life to the fullest. Is my advice on how to be happy, how to stop worrying, how to enjoy and be free. That's the bottom line. You take it or live it. I feel the necessity of planting seeds cause that's what I set myself to do or that's what I have been asked to do or that's what I'm supposed to do. who knows and who cares really...

The conclusion is: You create your own reality, so what ever you believe, that will be your world. What I have shared with you is my belief, what's in my heart, explained through words and it can mean nothing to you or it can mean everything. Whatever it is, I wanted to share it with you and I did, hoping it will inspire you to just be happy, in whichever way you chose and hopefully in a way that will help others as well. The more happy people we have in this world, the more positive the energy that surrounds us and makes us will be, which means that eventually, we will ALL be able to enjoy life at nobodies expense.

And of course, as Herman Hesse wrote in "Siddartha" wisdom cannot be taught but it can be found. I hope can help those who are in their search... for those who aren't, I hope you'll be soon. Eventually we ALL will be seeking and many will find...

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