December 8, 2010

In memory of Cristina Taborda

A friend died today... she didn't wake up from her sleep... she was one of the most beautiful souls I've ever met... always smiling, always laughing, so light she would lift you up. Last night, she fell asleep and never woke up.

I feel a knot in my stomach... a mixture of sadness for such a loss and happiness for such a life. We take so much for granted, unaware of how ephemeral are nature is. One day you may not wake up, you may be caught up in dreams... caught in between moments that will make you eternal. Death makes the clock stop. Everything suddenly stops. You become more aware of life... maybe that's the whole purpose of Death. Be aware... don't get caught up... life can easily slip through your fingers when you least expect it.

I run into Cristina two days ago. She was smiling as always. We started talking about my event and how excited we both were that it was happening. I thank her one more time, because it was her idea after all. We made plans to get together before I leave for Kenya but today I found out she never woke up this morning; her status on Facebook read:

This Cristina's Mom writing, I am truly sorry to tell you that Cristina did not wake up from her sleep yesterday. We hope to know later today what happened to her. She lived a beautiful life, full of love, music and joy and with the blessing of having so many friends. We miss her tremendously and are still in shock. But she was a beautiful person and will continue to touch us with her smile and laughter.

After the initial shock all I could think was that she died a peaceful death... I wonder what she was dreaming about that she was so compelled to stay there... she was probably singing or laughing... or both. Maybe surrounded by mermaids, or running across a sunflower field. I can see her... always in a good mood; always so contagious.

in its house,
a window.
sunny outside.
Go run,
break free.
Love you.
Love me.
We are nothing but,
almost everything and.
Life is truly appealing.
a reminder;
a broken clock.
Makes you forget
what you try too hard to remember.
Wake up from your sleep,
the sun shinning
brightens up your face.
Look out the window,
I'm waiting.
She's waiting.
Death is
but an endless dream...

Thank you Cristina for being you, it was a pleasure and an honor to have met you and I will sing and dance even more... in your memory...

Love you!

Your friend...

November 30, 2010

The Empire is leaking shit...

This morning as I was having breakfast, I read what The Star had to say about Wikileaks. A feeling of anger, mixed with a bit of amusement and discomfort, rushed through my veins in a split of a second; it was Clinton's quote:
"There is nothing laudable about endangering innocent people and there is nothing brave about sabotaging the peaceful relations between nations"
All I could think was: REALLY!? REALLY!? YOU ARE A FUCKING HYPOCRITE MRS. CLINTON. I kept repeating that to myself almost as a mantra. This woman has either no shame or the intelligence of a mosquito. If there is something that the United States has NOT done throughout the course of its history is to care about other nations!
And here she is, the Secretary of State, ordering U.S. diplomatic figures to engage in espionage in the United Nations, in violation of the international covenants to which the U.S. has signed up...

The last couple of days, Wikileaks has taken the front page of every newspaper around the world; the Truth is out. I always say that sooner or later, what it is reveals itself. The absurdity of the U.S. government's politics is finally known to everyone. In fact, it has always been for those who knew how to read between lines, seek accuracy and educate their minds. Those ,who never believed what politicians had to say or bought what the media was selling, have always known. But the general public, the masses, can now be aware. The question is: will we turn a blind eye on this crucial information or will we rebel? I fear the first. The masses are too comfortable; a revolution will mean sacrifice and I am not entirely sure if most people are willing to change things themselves. The worst that could happen would be that fifty years from now, historians look back at this time of age and study the reasons why we didn't take the opportunity to change the course of civilization's future. Maybe we were too comfortable in our coaches watching YouTube videos on our Ipads and eating ice cream... Out there, millions were starving, old wars continued while new ones developed, blood shedding, violence and disease... and it wasn't Hollywood; it was real. And the true criminals were free and discussing how to apprehend the true Heroes.

Julian Assange, the founder of Wikileaks -and officially my new Hero- is now the target of accusations that seem to me fabrications of desperate politicians. For instance, Washington is considering adding Wikileaks to the list of terrorist organizations and the Interpol is asking for Assange's capture; claiming he has raped two women in the past. I can't help but wonder what are we going to do about this... are we going to allow the United States of America to continue with this nonsensical circus?? Are we going to turn around and continue running in our hammster's wheel until we are out of food, water and health? Let's wake up, we have a choice to be Human and to chose the representatives that best represent US!
"The first ingredient of civil society is the people's right to know, because without such understanding no human being can meaningfully choose to support anything. Knowledge is the driver of every political process, every constitution, every law and every regulation. The communication of knowledge is without salient analogue. It is living, unique and demands its rightful place at the summit of society." (Julian Assange)
Many have accused Assange of being nothing more than a smart attention seeker. People, come on!!! Who the fuck cares the reasons as to why he has done what he did when we have been given access to all this valuable information? Let's focus on what is important here! This is the chance we get to send a message to our governments and demand transparency! The governments are supposed to represent their people!! So far, their agendas have satisfied private sectors, enslaving the rest of the population to the demands of Corporations... With technology as a mass media communication tool we can now ask those in power to at least be decent, if anything...
"If governments would prefer to not have such information surface they have two choices: don't engage in wars that even their own military employees find reprehensible, and don't rely on secrecy as a method of governance."
The Age of the Empire is coming to an end. Another Rome, another fall. No more bread and circus, no more absurdity, misery, inequality... The Golden Rule is: one should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself. This needs to be applied everywhere! Every system that is not built on this foundation will eventually collapse; that is the Law of the Universe and it is time we realize this globally. We have a huge responsibility ahead of us and that is to make use of the tools that are accessible to our generation; and we must follow the Golden Rule. Let's compromise, let's rebel, let's wake up. This is the end of the Empire... It seems so... I hope so... I wish so... I beg for so...

"The corporate revolution will collapse if we refuse to buy what they are selling. Their ideas, their versions of history, their wars, their weapons, their notion of inevitability. Remember this: we be many and they be few. They need us more than we need them. Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing" (Arundhati Roy)

October 24, 2010

Mother Nature, you are my anchor...

Wednesday was one of those days when the bucket is full and there is no more space for anything else. My patience was very short, my sensitivity extreme and every single sound of the street was hurting my ears. When I feel like this, I know that I need to stay home and paint or read or write or lay in the couch and do nothing. But because I do not have the luxury to be able to do what I need during the week, I had to exist within society and feel like a total pshycho.

When I got to Ryerson Campus, having 30 minutes to spare before class, I decided to seat on one of the tables that are now permanently set up on Gould street, as students won the battle to have it closed. It was somewhat cold but the sun was shining and I was dressed up warmly. I positioned my chair looking towards "lake" Devo, some sort of artificial pond with no water on it and made of cement. This view was the most pleasant amongst the many buildings and unfinished structures. I grabbed my book "La Resistencia" by Ernesto Sabato, an Argentinian writer, and could only read half a page before the noise from the construction site reached my brain. Having a desperate need for silence and about to completly lose it I looked up and noticed a massive amount of tiny yellow leaves falling from the tree in front of me. Slowly my heart beat slowed down, my anger dissipated and every disturbing sound became harmonious. I felt the cold wind brush my face and it was the sweetest caress I had felt in a long time. I observed the scenery for a while and then began to write... you may find the English version at the bottom.

¡Qué locura de gente, que locura de mundo, que ritmo de vida tan desmesurado! Mientras que la gente camina cada vez mas apurada; mientras que el ruido en exceso penetra mis tímpanos tan violentamente que hasta el más mínimo susurro perfora mi cerebro. Entre tanto desenfreno de luces, zapateos, y bochinche, la naturaleza es el único elemento que me permite respirar. Observo gente que viene y que va, con los auriculares metidos hasta las sienes, o inmersos en la pantallita del teléfono celular, totalmente oblivios a lo que los rodea. Sus cuerpos de carne y hueso, tan fuertes y tan frágiles, se amontonan siguiendo el ritmo de un reloj invisible. Van de a tres, vienen de a dos, en bicicleta, a pie, trotando, casi corriendo. Sostienen libros, se ríen como en estruendos, toman café to-go y caminan con intención de llegar a destino. A donde sea que van, entre tanto zapateo, solo la naturaleza pareciera estar inmóvil, tan quieta que por fin permite dar un respiro ¡Esta paz que tanto añoro! Es como esos pequeños espacios de momentos lentos en la montaña rusa, cuando el tren se prepara para otra vuelta que te revolverá el estomago.

El viento frío sopla en mi cara y arrastra consigo hojas secas que producen a la vez música, pero rápidamente se pierde entre tanto barullo de gente apurada. Música que es percibida solo por aquellos que pueden permanecer quietos y atentos a su alrededor, aunque sea por un instante. Sólo, el árbol baila en conjunto con el viento desprendiendo hojas amarillas que caen al suelo en un movimiento ondulante y casi eterno. Apenas visible entre tantos edificios, el árbol se adapta y sobrevive a pesar de estar apresado entre metal y cemento.

Me pregunto que pasaría si mas gente se sentase a percibir el sonido del viento o la sensación que éste produce en la piel, o el temblar en el pecho cuando las hojas se desprenden de los árboles. ¿Que pasaría si el reloj se detuviese? Si el apuro descansara... Aflojen sus corbatas, alivianen la mascarilla en sus pestañas o la carga en sus bolsos, maletines y carteras. Apaguen sus celulares. Los invito a detenerse y percibir. Siéntense y escuchen la sinfonía que la Madre Naturaleza esta componiendo aquí y ahora para todo aquel que pueda disfrutar de la inexistencia del tiempo.

September 26, 2010

Beads for Beds

So the dream is suddenly becoming alive and all it took is effort, will and passion. I'm tired and busy like I've never been in my life but I see everything unfolding in such a magnificent way that I can't really stop now, it'd be stupid...

Beads for Beds... the idea was born in the plane on my way back from Kenya. I knew I wanted to give back to the Dago community in a bigger way than my month as a volunteer with ASB. They had given me so much in so little time, it was a humble feeling of gratitude my motivator to do something for them. My friend Miranda and I shared our feelings about the need we felt of doing something. Pole pole (like they'd say in Kenya) ideas started flowing, it was a long flight and being just the two of us, it didn't take much to make the agreement of starting making bracelets. Originally, we wanted to make the kind of bracelets we saw all over in Mombasa, the thick beaded ones, usually with writing on it. A friend we made in Lamu, taught Miranda how to make them and we thought it was a smart idea. I realized I had a full box of beads at home, that have been carrying around for 13 years, finally I had found an use.

Later on, we both realized that neither of us was good at making these bracelets and it would probably take us an hour to make one piece. It wasn't cost effective. So, we decided to go ahead and start making whatever came in mind. With some inventory, it was a matter of getting a spot at Ryerson to start selling Beads for Beds. Then everything just started happening, the doors were quite open, and obvious indication that we could make it happen if we truly believed in it.

It's been almost four months since the idea of fundraising for Dago was planted in my head. In this time I have met MANY people that are facilitating the growth of this dream. I wish I had less things to do to dedicate more energy to this project but I know that soon enough, when school is done, I will be able to put much more energy into making this happen. I just need to be patient...

I'm super excited for the party on Thursday, and a bit nervous too. Will it be a success? By success I mean people actually showing up. I would Love to fundraise enough money to get Beads for Beds registered. That's my next goal. Together with a bigger event at Lula... yes... I'm gonna make this happen, no matter what. Well, that's it for now. It's midnight and I'm still hungover from last night. I need to sleep. At least I got this done. Yay! No more procrastination... and that's a promise!

September 10, 2010

A letter to Ryerson University

Dear Ryerson;

After five years attending your institution, today you finally pissed me off. To begin with, you are charging me late fees even though I depend on OSAP to pay for my classes and AGAIN this year they messed up my application. The fact that I do not receive my loan in time shouldn't grant you permission to charge me an extra amount of money for "lateness". I feel as if you have been reaching into my pocket every time you had a chance, even though I am already broke. Secondly your bookstore charged me $70 for a compilation of 180 photocopies (with cardboard front and back covers) which in my opinion is "a little bit" pricey. And can you explain to me why did you feel the need to have a Police officer guarding the entrance? Don't you think is a bit too much? A security guard would have been just fine, and maybe less intimidating... And how about your Work-Study acceptance policy?
Our office has reviewed your application; unfortunately, we are unable to process your application, as you did not meet the academic eligibility requirements for Work Study consideration.

From the information available, you are not a full-time student and have not registered for 60% of your course load for the entire Academic year of 2010-2011. Students must be a full-time student (with a minimum 60% course load) for the entire school year. Your winter units = 2 and you do not meet the program fee threshold of $4912.

Fine. Now I'm being forced to take three extra courses so that I can get the job. I have a job offer as a Research Assistant, the professor is just waiting for my Work-Study application approval. I have a total OSAP debt of over $40,000, not only I want this job because is related to my career, I also NEED it. However, my tuition is not as high as $4912 this year because I only need three credits to graduate. Why do I feel that I'm constantly being punished for not having enough money? If I get a scholarship, you lower my loan. If I don't spend a certain amount of money, I can't get a job that could highly benefit me. You seem to be pushing me to be a mediocre student with no passion or desire to push my own limitations. Why? Because you keep forcing me to do jobs that give me nothing but some bills to make the rent payment. What about my dreams then? My need to do something for the community, to aim high, to push myself? Why are you not stimulating this? All I get is the cold shoulder and extra paper work. Even my 4.0 GPA doesn't seem to be enough to get some funding... for A or for B I never seem to be eligible for most scholarships.

Not all of it is bad though, there are people who work at your institution that have been a great motivator for me to keep insisting, keep fighting, keep resisting against the pile of shit you keep throwing at me. But why are you making it so hard? Education is a right, not a business. And you should be able to recognize the hard working individuals who attend your institution, that are actually passionate about something and not just plain brain dead, following the rest. Maybe you feel threaten by this kind of "rebel-like" behavior. Maybe you don't want thinkers and doers to come out of your institution, but workers, people who will fit perfectly well in the hamster wheel that the few in charge have been building since the peak of capitalism.

I am going to challenge this. I will shout loud and clear that this is not what education is meant to be. This is not how an educational institution is supposed to behave. Education should break molds, create freedom of mind, push in many directions, expand, embrace, stimulate a broader understanding of the perplexity of humanity. Education should build, not destroy. Should feed, not starve. I can assure you that many feel the way I do.
“Education is about the production of more democracy, production of peace, production of happiness whereas schooling is often the production of global economic competitiveness.” (Source: "More families are deciding that school’s out – forever" Globe and Mail, Sept. 10 2010)
I have realized today that my only stress in life is money. When I think about my debt and the future I'd like for myself and my children, when I have them, I find no room for dreams. I keep transitioning from a state of "Fuck it, it's just money anyways" to "how the hell am I going to pay my debt??" I have dreams... many... I want to give to my community, I want to make the charitable organization I just started grow, I want to go to Teacher's College, I want to travel lots, keep learning, keep teaching, keep growing... but how do I do all of these with the ghost of a poor financial "reality" pondering around my neck?

It's not all about money making, you know Ryerson? You should take a closer look to those who are struggling to be better individuals, to create a better community and are hoping to contribute to a better world... these are the ones you should be rewarding... rolling out red carpets for... I hope one day this changes; maybe one day you'll get it...

I thank you though for some wonderful teachers you have... those are the ones who are making it well worth it for me.

I wish you the best.


Agata Ivanna Pogorelsky

August 14, 2010

A prayer...

God, grant us the...

Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

July 6, 2010

Yesterday is tomorrow... tomorrow is already gone...

It is hard to believe that two months have passed since I wrote the following:

"And now it hits me… finally. An overwhelming feeling of immediacy, the feeling that I have indeed very little time from now till my departure to Kenya (or lots, depending from which angle you look at it)

A mixture of anxiety, excitement, adrenaline, impatience, lot’s of “to do”s, anticipation, joy and a belly full of butterflies. This is how I’m feeling right now, this is how I woke up. The calmness I felt yesterday having spent the whole day on my own, has suddenly transformed into an emotional turmoil.

As I write my shopping list for tomorrow, I envision moments in Kenya that I can’t even imagine. I’m planning things like not shaving or wearing deodorant or not giving a fuck about my hair. Once I land, I want to stop “worrying” about these insignificant things that have been branded in me by society. I want to solely focus on all the reasons why I’m embarking in this adventure; some of these I know, some I will discover there. I understand that it may be gross and the men in my group may not appreciate it, but here and now I want to try what it would be like to not care. For some reason I feel that once I land in Africa I will be able to free myself from all the taboos society has imposed on me.

I look at my packing list and it pretty much sounds like for the next month, I will be living in the jungle or something like it. I really hope so. Mosquito net, sleeping bag, duct tape, headlamps, carabineers and lots and lots of bug repellent. It’s so freaking exciting! I can’t wait to detach myself from the city, break free from society and let go of its rigid structure. I’m so excited to get a chance to live the simple life, working together with a group of people that has been nothing but amazing from day one.

My heart is beating so fast now, I think is ready to abandon my chest and fly out the window. “I’ll catch you in Kenya” it says. The anticipation is just amazing. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Four days and so so much to do. From watching films at the Hot Docs, to meeting for coffee with one of the directors I met yesterday, to visiting a kindergarten school and spending the afternoon with my friend’s mom and her students -learning what is most likely to be my side-career. I need to buy socks, camping gear, clothes and equipment tomorrow, party tonight, drum circle after our last meeting, hanging out with friends, etc. etc. etc. But the more I think of what I need to do, the more anxious I get. Oh well, let’s just keep moving then. Doing rather than thinking is what always calms me down…

I want to thank my team for being so amazing, for making this happen, for believing, for sacrificing, for achieving the unthinkable, for thinking the unthinkable, for the amazing energy that has been flowing in each meeting, even when the level of tiredness was up to the roof. It has been great and we haven’t even left… Yaaaaaaaay! See you all tomorrow.

Thank You Dancing Dani // Thank You Adventurous Andrew // Thank You Rocking Robin // Thank You Dreamy Darya // Thank You Super Steven // Thank You Magical Majalyn // Thank You Acrobatic Ahmad // Thank You Funny Filipe // Thank You Eager Emma // Thank You Joking Jeffrey // Thank You Magnificent Miranda // Thank You Interesting Isaac // Thank You Corageous Caroline

And of course… amazing Agata! HAKUNA MATATA!!!"


So where does time go? Does it really exist? I find myself reading something I wrote two months ago and it only seems like yesterday... and it only seems like a million years ago. So much has happened, so many experiences lived, laughter shared, tears cried and all I keep in my heart is the joy that accumulates daily for all the lovely people I have met on the way.

I did manage to go without shaving for the entire month, I didn't care about my hair or how I looked. I took every single moment in and pushed myself out of my comfort zone entirely, several times. It is hard to reproduce all I have learned, shared, felt and experienced but the one thing I can say right now is that I'm grateful for every single second lived. I look forward to the now because the one thing I have learned and keep confirming is that yesterday is tomorrow and tomorrow is already gone. All I have, all I am, is the present moment...

April 15, 2010

Simply extensions...

After last night's random and fascinating adventure, I went to sleep feeling satisfied with every single turn of events. It was obvious to me that by not getting what I wanted, I had gotten everything I needed...

As I was getting in bed, I re-read some of the things I wrote throughout the evening. I promised myself to be more consistent and decided to make the compromise of writing this blog a little (or a lot) every day, no matter what. So I start my day today doing exactly what I told myself to do.

Regarding last night, there is not much point for me to reproduce the events of the evening; the moments have passed and can not be retold as excitingly as they were while occurring. I could summarize some by saying that each time a moment ended (even when I tried several times to prolong it) a new moment arose by running into people or unexpectedly dropping by at my friend's house, who wasn't even at home. Retelling the exact story is not appealing to me at this point in time, it will only be my "mental masturbation" of remembering a fun evening, full of casual and intense encounters. But I will share with you some of the writing I did while IN the moment.

The first writing was at "Nirvana" when Eric and Mark decided I had ceased to exist -that was the joke. My poem is in Spanish and I will translate it later on. For now, these are the random bits and pieces of their conversation... I can never cease to exist if I chose to...

Let it unravel,
he says.
A small world is not meant to be,
small world
don't put it together.
Fucking AWESOME!
For sure,
he said after his 4th beer.
But that for me is ideal.
The reality is
they are fucked...
Intense and blah blah.
they are fucked
For sure...
And I Love them both.

Run, run, run and hide.
Stand still,
Let the connections find your shinning,
let them fly.
Run, run, run and hide.
Love, cry, connect and break me up.
Fly, crawl, walk and get me high...

A song request (Robbie at piano)
Moments are gone
and moments always come back.
Little droplets of windows
go down the drain.
My eyes,
full of rain
are washing off my tears.
Oh storms,
How I fear you!
Come back my child,
I will give you a piece of my soul
for you to find solace.
Suns, millions of them,
I have them all
inside my self.
A tiny box of memories
in which I sometimes hide.
A tiny box full of memoirs,
why do I save them?
Sometimes the rain
is not strong enough
to wash away the tears.
But the suns inside and all around,
are shinning through.
Oh my child,
I have forgiven you.
Oh my child,
would you forgive me?
Every single time
I collapsed,
drowned in illusion,
the one I now embrace.
The one reality I choose to live,

March 28, 2010

Sunday... not a fun day (draft saved but never published)

I found the draft of this entry that I wrote in March. It was never published because it wasn't finished (still isn't) but I'd like to share it today...

It appears to be that Sundays are my "thinking-way-too-much" days. Since I woke up this morning, my mind has been going in circles like a carousel, same thoughts arising over and over again. It has been too long since I sat down and write what's on my mind, so I decided to let myself pour out onto this blog.

Much has been happening lately. Ever since that night in which I died and was reborn, I have been able to focus my attention and make productive use of my energy. It all started with the compromise of not having sex for a month. It has been longer than that and I don't miss it. It's actually quite hard to believe that this would ever happen to ME, but it's happening and it's difficult to explain the reasons why I made this decision, or even the effects that this pact with myself is having on my persona. It feels good in many levels because I realize how obsessed I was over sex and that led to finding the roots of this obsession. The problem wasn't the moment but the afterward. I understand now that even though I had convinced myself to believe certain things -and what a good of a liar I was to me, sooner or later I had to face the truth.

So what is that truth? Happiness is easy, what is hard is the process it takes to find that permanent state of inner peace. The road to get there is full of bumps and shortcuts, which will appear to take you there faster. But at the end of the day, taking those will take you right back to where you started. So, NO shortcuts! The long way is the hardest but it's guaranteed to take you there.

There are a couple of rules that need to be followed to find this peace I talk about; maybe not rules but steps. Each step of the way gets harder and harder. The deeper you dig the more shit you find and it's smelly, it pisses you off and it will make you want to quit. But don't there is light at the end of the tunnel, most importantly tunnels are fun if you let go of your fear of the dark.

So far, I have come to learn the following:

I can almost certainly say that this is the number one rule. You will NOT find peace unless you are honest to and with yourself. Eventually, that will allow you to communicate honestly with others. After having found your own truth, you will recognize bullshit instantly; either coming from others or your own. This has many advantages but certainly some side effects that you will not like at the beginning (sooner or later you will get used to it and even appreciate it, those side effects will make you feel you are still a human being) I will explain side effects later on.
What does it mean to be honest with others? It doesn't necessarily mean you always have to speak your mind and communicate your every thought -hard thing for me to avoid. It means to be able to listen and pay attention to others needs, it means to speak from the heart, to have pure intentions, to wish well and to step out of your comfort zone for those who are not there yet. It is better to say a truth that hurts than a lie that promotes idiocy.

What is it to be honest with yourself? This is TOUGH but once you have come to this point, everything else will follow, unfolding and manifesting effortlessly. Once you are honest with yourself, when you manage to calm your ego down and let your heart speak, unfiltered by your rational mind full of fears and "buts", then you understand what is it that you really want. Figuring out what you WANT rather than what you DO NOT want means that the Universe will conspire for you to be happy. YES. Once you know what you want, you will desire it, you will be ready for it and it will come to you. Your world is a direct result of your thought. If you think you want something but deep inside you don't know why you want it, either it won't happen or the opposite of what you think you want will manifest. Why? because not getting what you want is getting what you need. The only way to know what you need is to be honest with yourself. If you learn to want what you need the world will be your playground, life will be nothing but a meaningful and precious gift and you will not know sadness. Being honest with yourself is hard and can be a painful process, but if you ride the wave rather than trying to control the ocean, there will be no pain, just joy...

What are the side effects of honesty? To begin with, people may not appreciate it and for sometime you may feel that everyone thinks you are a pretentious bastard. That's fine. It means you actually are. Because as I said earlier, as you become more transparent and honest with yourself and others, you speak truth because it comes from a place that is not your own and you become selfless. The difficulty lays in the fact that sometimes is hard to know when you are being honest with good intentions or only because you pride yourself in the fact that you "know" so much. However, time and wisdom makes you humble. When your intentions are pure, you understand that this truth was given to all of us, but not everyone is listening to their hearts, so they can't yet be wise.

I find myself going back and forth between an over-inflated ego and a very humble self. This takes me to rule #2: Keeping your intentions pure.

If whatever is it that your doing is solely for your own benefit, then stop doing it. This one is tricky to explain but I will do my best. Many times we think we are being generous because we seem to convince ourselves that we know exactly what the other person needs are. It is interesting how we think. We can't figure our own lives out but we pretend to have it all figured out for others.

YES! This is a big one. You need to make decisions in order to achieve inner peace. Too many open doors leads to not walking through any of them. It is all right to have a couple of windows open, in case you have to do and emergency exit. However, too many options will have you stand still with indecisiveness. In the times we live in, we are presented with so many options daily that is difficult to not go insane. People are try spending most of the time choosing rather than doing. So I say, decide. It doesn't have to be a definite decision, but the moment you decide what it is that you want to go after, it will happen. It's not that complicated. If you are wondering which corner to turn, and you stand there thinking of all the reasons why you should or should not turn a specific corner, you obviously are not walking. Decide and go. You can always come back to where you started if that corner wasn't the best option. But you will never know until you do it so, for as much as I dislike quoting a corporation I will say one thing "Just Do It". It's better to try and to fail than to think to much and do nothing. Failure, here comes #4.


#5 - TRUST
Trust yourself,

#6 - BE FREE





Reality is based solely on perception. The more obscured your perception is by judgment, ego and the lack of confidence, the less fulfilling your life will be. Don't get me wrong, people manage to go through life, blinded by their own shit and they still do good. This mini-guide to Peace of Mind is simply a way to enjoying life to the fullest. Is my advice on how to be happy, how to stop worrying, how to enjoy and be free. That's the bottom line. You take it or live it. I feel the necessity of planting seeds cause that's what I set myself to do or that's what I have been asked to do or that's what I'm supposed to do. who knows and who cares really...

The conclusion is: You create your own reality, so what ever you believe, that will be your world. What I have shared with you is my belief, what's in my heart, explained through words and it can mean nothing to you or it can mean everything. Whatever it is, I wanted to share it with you and I did, hoping it will inspire you to just be happy, in whichever way you chose and hopefully in a way that will help others as well. The more happy people we have in this world, the more positive the energy that surrounds us and makes us will be, which means that eventually, we will ALL be able to enjoy life at nobodies expense.

And of course, as Herman Hesse wrote in "Siddartha" wisdom cannot be taught but it can be found. I hope can help those who are in their search... for those who aren't, I hope you'll be soon. Eventually we ALL will be seeking and many will find...

March 23, 2010

META Show @ Arta Gallery. April 8th-10th, 2010

META is an annual exhibition that showcases the thesis works of graduating students from the New Media program at Ryerson University. The exhibition provides a platform for emerging artists to display their innovative and experimental works to Toronto’s arts community.

Finally, after 8 months of production, my baby is coming out to the world!!

My piece will be showcased at the META exhibit @ Arta Gallery (55 Mill St - Distillery District)

April 8th: 4 - 9PM Opening Night
April 9th & 10th: 11AM - 6PM


“Performance is the surest means of disrupting a complacent public” (RoseLee Goldberg)

Complacency has always concerned me; we cannot grow as individuals unless we step out of our comfort zone. In North America we have become too comfortable as part of an economic system that can no longer sustain itself. Not only it has devoured two thirds of the planet and induced extreme inequality around the world, it is also rapidly eating away our humane qualities. We are constantly being bombarded with implicit messages that happiness can only be achieved through consumption. At the end of the day we make so many sacrifices to satisfy these created wants that we end up loosing ourselves in the process.

The Consumer Care Machine is a kinetic sculpture/performance piece that reflects upon the loss of human values required to sustain the economic system of the 21st century. The machine as a metaphor mocks the decay of the human spirit when engulfed by the endless cycle of overwork, mass consumption and automatization. In times of corporate imperialism, society is being sold into a process that is in the end isolating and distracting from our true needs as individuals and as a collective.

IUTU Corporations –my fictional firm- has developed the Consumer Care Machine, an incongruously transformed office cubicle with a built-in conveyor belt. Inside, the performer as employee runs the machine analyzing participants’ data and returning personalized products. “Prospective customers” undertake a series of steps enabling the machine to identify needs and satisfy them to the best of its abilities. Self-reflection upon personal goals and an understanding of the system will be rewarded with a humane response.

In this fast-paced society our human values are getting lost. We ourselves are becoming machines, programmed by a bigger and more powerful one. We are being trained to stay in the cubicle, follow protocols and sell our freedom to buy our “happiness”. We are complacent with what is being imposed to and the real cost is our time for enjoyment. But aren't WE the ones who control this machine?

For more info on the show visit

March 20, 2010


In the face of adversity, uncertainty and conflicting sensory information, I hereby pledge to remain ever mindful of the magical, infinite, loving reality in which I live. A reality that conspires tirelessly in my favor.

I further recognize that living within space and time, as a Creation amongst my Creations, is the ultimate Adventure, because thoughts become things, dreams do come true, and all things remain forever possible.

As a Being of Light, I hereby resolve to live, love, and be happy, at all costs, no matter what, with reverence and kindness for All. So be it!

TUT's Adventurers Club

March 9, 2010

The Ugly & The Beautiful

Today's song: The Ugly & The Beautiful (by The Real Tuesday Weld)

Well, after all that we've been through
Would you still call this love, baby?
'Cause love's the only proof
That the ugly could be beautiful.

God knows I'm feeling spent
Though I've still got my money, honey
Money's the revenge
Of the ugly on the beautiful.

Well, the drugs just ain't enough
Though I like the way they made us crazy
But love's the only drug
that turns the ugly into beautiful.

And I can't tell you why
I'm still so much afraid of dying
When dying is what reconciles
The ugly with the beautiful.

Though we've been burned by it
Let's still believe in love
'Cause love's the greatest gift
Of the ugly to the beautiful.

February 20, 2010

Seeker or Finder?

My good friend Mallory suggested recently I read Siddhartha. I happened to have a gift certificate for Chapters and decided to follow Mal's advice. I entered the Eaton Center, which was quite painfully actually and found my way to the bookstore. Yes, it was annoying. Shopping Malls are making me a bit sick, lately more and more. Too many people, to many stores, lights, noise, brands and consumers. I know, I'm sounding like an old lady already, maybe I have become old. Maybe I have grown up, I don't find shopping malls exciting anymore.

I remember my years as a pre-teenager in Argentina, when the only place I was allowed to hang out on my own with friends were shopping malls. But it was different. There we had cinemas and a "game-land", lots of space in the food court and sometimes they even had activities for kids our age. My mom would drop me off and pick me up at a certain time and I would have a blast. Shopping malls here, at least the ones I know, are quite different and I can't say I enjoy a cluster of people entering and exiting stores at a speed I have never noticed so clearly before. Hey, I'm not judging... I'm just not a big fan of it.

Feeling a little bit claustrophobic, I finally found Chapters. I can't say I felt any better inside either. The line up at the cash register was HUGE and the clutter of books and things was too much for my eyes. I quickly asked an attendant to check the value of my gift card so that I knew how much I could spend. "Twenty dollars" she said smiling. Great. I asked her to do some searches for me and I figured I could get two or three books without spending money from my pocket.

The attendant walked me to a computer station and asked me the names of the books I was looking for. She touched a fairly big computer screen and typed Siddhartha. I was fascinated by the technology, thinking how many great things we have accomplished as a society because of it; and how many more we could. In that split of a second I thought how easy it could be to realize its potential for bigger and better things. I fear we are ready to give technology its proper use. Maybe I'm being cynical but I think I share this thought with many people.

"Technology, its poisonous by-products, weapons of mass destruction, and inhumane repercussions are projections of the human psyche, expressing our current stage of development. They express not only our consciousness, but also our unconsciousness. 'Look at the devilish engines of destruction!' Jung wrote. 'They are invented by completely innocuous gentlemen, reasonable, respectable citizens who are everything we could wish. And when the whole thing blows up, and an indescribable hell of destruction is let loose, nobody seems to be responsible. It simply happens, and yet is all man-made'." (Daniel Pinchbeck - The Return of Quetzalcoatl"

The problem with technology it's not technology itself but the intention behind the use. We are still fear driven monkeys; if our intentions are driven by fear, hence power, the use of advance technologies could be VERY dangerous and may result in a destructive outcome. "A faulty attitude creates a faulty world" (Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj - I Am That)

As I stood there having all these thoughts, four versions of Siddhartha popped up. They ranged from $6.99 to $25.99. Why the difference? I guess it's a matter of content... oh wait, no... it's about how fancy the cover is. That will change the price drastically. Is like a pair of jeans: if you go with the "no brand" ones, you will pay a fair amount -I can't really define fair at this point- If you choose "Guess" or "Gap" then be ready to spend a lot more for the exact same thing. Amazing! Branding, eh?

After finding my book digitally, the search for the physical element began. Rows and rows of shelves and shelves. Thousands of books seemed to be yelling at me "Pick me! Pick me!" all at the same time, it was deafening. Books about politics, spirituality, art, pop culture, self-help, dog training, sexual "education", etc, etc, etc; nowadays you can find books about pretty much anything, no kidding. As I was getting dizzy and was not finding what I was seeking, I was obliged to ask a second attendant for help locating what I needed. "Fiction and Literature H" there it was, my $6.99 version; sitting humbly next to a bigger and better Siddhartha. I picked up the book and without hesitation I decided to try the big computer myself to find Women that Run with Wolves, which was also suggested to me recently by Demetra, my new half sister. That one I was able to find on my own. I picked up the $10.99 version and headed over to the cash register. On my way there, I saw a book on sale called Leaders Who Changed the World and from the same collection, laying quietly under it Encounters that Changed the World. There was only these two copies left. Maybe the last ones? I stood there for a while, not knowing which one to take; both sounded appealing. I grabbed the first one and as I was walking downstairs I said to myself "Whatever, it is only eight bucks!" So, I went back and grabbed the other one. It's a book, can't harm.

For $15 I was going home with four books I was very excited to read. I still have a huge collection at home of books I brought from Argentina that haven't read yet. I know I shouldn't be buying anymore until I read all the ones I forcefully inherited from my mother -her old studio became my room 16 years ago and I made her books mine- but books are my weakness...

I read Siddhartha in three or four days. I couldn't believe how appropriate it was for the time being. My life is unfolding in such a way sometimes is hard to believe how easy it all is. Happiness is just around the corner but we are so stubborn and egotistic that we are always choosing to turn the other way. I think we will all get there eventually; after all, all four corners are part of the same block. Even if we are going in circles, missing and passing by the key to be joyful, I do believe we will see it eventually... just keep walking.

"When someone is seeking," said Siddhartha, "it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing that he is seeking; that he is unable to find anything, unable to absorb anything, because he is only thinking of the one thing he is seeking, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed with his goal; but finding means: to be free, to be receptive, to have no goal. You, O worthy one, are perhaps indeed a seeker, for in striving towards your goal, you do not see many things that are under your nose." (Herman Hesse - Siddhartha)

This beautiful book came to my hands at such a perfect timing... I'm thankful for yet another synchronicity. As I finished the book many questions were answered. One of the most significant one was: Am I a seeker or a finder? The answer is both.

February 16, 2010

IPhone application

My thought of the day is:

If they came up with so many useless ways of making your life easier with a thing called Iphone, why don't they include a sensor for object-proximity recognition?

Because I don't have a cell phone I'm always looking where I'm going, so I myself can avoid colliding with other people in the street. However, I've witnessed many individuals running into each other simply because they are immersed in their little toys. At first I found it quite annoying, I still do a little, but now it's quite hillarious. I suggest that if you are feeling bored, go seat at a park or coffee shop and observe people as they collide with one another... All I can hear is the circus music in the background as the monkeys keep running into each other, having seemingly lost their perception and peripheral vision.

February 15, 2010

Love Someone

I saw this posted in the wall of a very incredible woman I met yesterday... I wanted to share it cause I also believe this lyrics express how I feel about the world today. We can make changes, we must make changes...

Dub F/X - Lyrics To "Love Someone."

It’s possible to love someone
And not treat them in the way that you want
It’s possible to see your eyes
Be the devil in disguise with another front
And, it’s possible to change this world
Revolutionise the boys and girls
It’s possible to educate
The next generation that will rule the world someday

The changing times of the 21st century
Means nothing to me cos I would rather be
At the beginning of time, earth would be mine
Living in luxury
Discovering a world out there
Believing in the sun earth water and air
Take me there so I could see the world bloom
Standing on a sea cliff howling at the moon
Creating a world for the open minded
A unique perception of truth inside it
I know we could find it
It’s just a matter of where and when we collectively decide it
The world is not a vicious place
It’s just the way we’ve been raised
Discovering time and space
I know that we could make a change
Rearrange the way that we appreciate the world today

It’s possible to love someone..

Now as i start to put my mind into words
I stall I fall I’m loosing it all, my inhibitions
The thought of wasting a way
The fact that the music’s at a place not far away
Yet I stray and stick to my world
In love with my life my beliefs and a girl
Is it luck that I love this crazy place, the human race?
Don’t get me wrong I still think we could change
But this life and the fact that time exists
And were here and we don’t come equipped with it all
Half the fun is learning and I’m having a ball
While the world keeps turning my role is small
But I’ll make a change
I hope you’re feeling the same way
I hope you’re seeing what I say

It’s possible to love someone..

In this concrete jungle we live
Our survival is love that we give
Now my instinct is guiding my way
It’s true what they say
The world is your chance to create

This kind of talent they don't show on TV. I wonder why...
See how he performs live in the street:
Shorter version:
This kind of talent they don't show on TV. I wonder why...

February 7, 2010

Love Will Find You

Today's song: Love Will Find You (by ATB)

I believe it's all inside you
all the answers
Strip it down and see the light come
through the crowd
I believe it takes a moment
just to know it
Listen to the wind

Let go of the fear
Let go of everything
Let go of it's realm
Love will find you

There you go you're down again
Hoping for a way to get through
Everything in life is shown you
it's so easy
Listen to the wind

Let go of the fear
Let go of everything
Let go of it's realm
Love will find you

I believe it's all inside you
all the answers
Strip it down and see the light come
through the crowd
I believe it takes a moment
just to know it
listen to the wind

Let go of the fear
Let go of everything
Let go of it's realm
Love will find you

January 22, 2010

Machine's list and random notes

Conveyor belt:

I Love Lucy (secretary episode)


January 21, 2010

Why does the past repeat itself? Are we incapable of learning from it?

As I observe the world around me I can't help but wonder: are we stupid or just blinded?...

It's scary how true it is that history repeats itself. We seem to be oblivious to the world we live in as we go about our daily routine caring only for our own individuality and those closer to us. We have been taught to wake up every morning and be nothing but fuel to a hungry machine that seems to never feel satisfied. How is it possible that we react to the world's reality only when catastrophe strike? Let's take Haiti for example, everybody knows this is one of the poorest countries in the planet yet we don't offer a helping hand until CNN tells us almost 100,000 lives were lost in an earthquake. All of a sudden we are there and yet that helping hand has to sign many forms and stamp many papers before food can get to the victim's mouths...

I'm tired of this bureaucratic, capitalistic, poisonous regime. It's doing nothing for us except destroying our civilization and the possibility of further evoluting as a species. We are giving away our souls to a devil who is definitely not the red-horned-pointy tailed being we imagine it to be but the many faces of each and every existing corporation wanting nothing but production and consumption of disposable and unneeded goods; the real manufacturers of waste.

A couple of days ago my radio-alarm went off at 9am. As always, I hit the snooze button a couple dozen times. Suddenly, I heard a speech in between dreams about all the things that I have lately been pondering about. I tried to consciously focus on the words and in a semi-awaken state I was able to hear the last part which I've included in this entry. It was a speech by Dr. Martin Luther King on April 4th, 1967 at Riverside Church in New York, explaining why he opposed the war in Vietnam. (I recommend you read the entire speech, you can find it in: The resonance it has in the present time made me think of the tittle of this blog entry. I am upset by the reality we have created for ourselves. Why is it so hard for us to do what is right? Why are we so blinded by fear? and, is it entirely our fault? It is time for a revolution but a non-violent one, in which our morale takes on the stirring wheel and our personal desires just chill on the passenger seat -unless those desires are for the good of the people; in that case I suggest they became the co-pilot.

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.” (J.F. Kennedy)

Increasingly, by choice or by accident, this is the role our nation has taken, the role of those who make peaceful revolution impossible by refusing to give up the privileges and the pleasures that come from the immense profits of overseas investments.

I am convinced that if we are to get on the right side of the world revolution, we as a nation must undergo a radical revolution of values. We must rapidly begin the shift from a thing-oriented society to a person-oriented society. When machines and computers, profit motives and property rights are considered more important than people, the giant triplets of racism, extreme materialism and militarism are incapable of being conquered.

A true revolution of values will soon cause us to question the fairness and justice of many of our past and present policies. On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life’s roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life’s highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.

A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth. With righteous indignation, it will look across the seas and see individual capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries, and say, “This is not just.” It will look at our alliance with the landed gentry of South America and say, “This is not just.” The Western arrogance of feeling that it has everything to teach others and nothing to learn from them is not just.

A true revolution of values will lay a hand on the world order and say of war, “This way of settling differences is not just.” This business of burning human beings with napalm, of filling our nation’s homes with orphans and widows, of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into veins of peoples normally humane, of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically deranged, cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice and love. A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.

America, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, can well lead the way in this revolution of values. There is nothing, except a tragic death wish, to prevent us from reordering our priorities, so that the pursuit of peace will take precedence over the pursuit of war.

Let's wake up! Let's stop this non-sense before it crashes against the floor for its lack of sustainability. The time has come to make changes that will enables us to move forward. Stop praising the devil and start listening to your own heart. Deep inside you know that the foundations of the current system are not based on the right values. It is up to you, to us, to make this a better, more livable place for the current generations and the ones to come...