May 10 @ the subway
May 11 @ some Platz - noon
So as not to confuse the reader, I will clarify that I had to get off the subway, so I couldn’t really finish my last entry. I’m currently sitting at a nice bench, in the botanical gardens and was hoping to have some quiet time and catch up with my writing. However, two women just sat down next to me and they DO NOT stop talking!! "shazenjazen shitzee warten guten abend suban empujen estrujen bajen... bla bla blaaa"* I guess I will continue walking, I only have 4 more hours left before going to the airport. So maybe I could have some nice lunch, somewhere around Stephenplatz and hopefully write some more.*this is what German sounds like to me.
Now I’m at a park next to the Opera. Lots of "bohemios" which means I’m once again amongst my kind. I recognize some faces from the "Hemp Parade". Nah, seriously... this is the same crowd. Now let me write about the thought-driven occurrence of the day. The interesting thing is that a week or so ago, I thought of the butterfly house my grandmother used to take my cousins and I on a regular basis. I loved that place! I was always fascinated by their beauty and now that I'm older, by the metaphoric state of being of the "Schmetterling" -I have to use my German, right?- So a week ago, I kind of wished I could go once again to this place and well... if you know me a bit by now, you can imagine what has happened. Yes, during my last hours in Vienna, walking around without a specific direction, I found this park, walked through it and on the other side I see a big sign that reads: Schmetterlinghaus. I went in, happy as a child, full of excitement and joy as my wish was being granted. I could have definitely stayed in there the whole afternoon. Butterflies, so many of them. Making the most beautiful dances on mid air with each other. They truly fill me with joy and I can't help but smiling each time I see butterflies...I can't really write properly right now, there's too much going on around me at the moment. But there is one thought I do need to put down NOW, before it goes away or changes into something else... I feel energized. This trip was exactly what I needed. I feel that some of my life objectives, if not THE life objective, are clearer now. I think I've figured it out... It's not discipline that I lack; it's not even the fact that I'm too inconsistent and I get bored quite easily. What I need to set straight is my sense of priority. No, that's not even the right word. It's how I use my energy; where and how I focus it. How I use my time, what do I focus my mind on. I begin to understand that what occupies my mind constantly can no longer be. I'd be a fool if having realized what I did this weekend, I throw it all away when I get back to Stuttgart. This is what I propose myself to do: LESS PARTY, LESS ROMANTICISM AND MORE USE OF MY TALENT. Hold on a minute. Don't I have talent for parties and flirting? Well, maybe tone it down a bit. Some is good, too much can be addictive. And I think it's time for me to do rehab.
To create... To live of NOW... To imagine a future, but without expectations... To be... pure... as light... To be me, even when it feels terribly wrong... Just be... Just breathe...