March 22, 2009

If you don't see it, you can't choose to ignore it

Today I got my typical "Sunday Blues". Thankfully, there's always someone out there that will share a moment with me and make me forget the temporary sadness I feel on Sundays. That person, today, was Marita -very cute girl from Estonia with whom I have, recently, been sharing a lot.

At 3pm a group of Erasmus -the exchange students- went to play basketball. I wasn't feeling my best because of my Sunday Blues and my hangover, but I thought some fresh air and sports could help. I played for a bit but my long nails kept getting on the way so I invited Marita to go for a walk. I have been missing my sister a lot lately, I'm also missing Mallory and Todd. I needed to talk to someone, and Marita was the one. We talked about random things, about Love, about life, relationships... Finally, she made me came back to reality.

Inside my mind...
The past few days have been odd. I have been feeling like I'm in High School again. There's a lot of drama and gossip going on and even when you don't fall in the same category of many of the people here (or share the same wavelength, might be a better way to put it), it get's hard to ignore what's happening around you. Specially when you are constantly making the effort to be yourself with every single person, no matter how hostile they might act. Why is it that women are so competitive? So "catty", if that is even a word. No wonder I'm always hanging out with boys. I'm not going to get into details because I don't think is worth it, but let's say that the necessity some girls have to "compete" with me, has been bothering me in the last couple of days quite A LOT. It's frustrating because, honestly, I just want to meet people, share moments, laugh, have fun. But there is this vibe going around... some are marking territory and I don't quite get it. Come on people, relax! Life has better things than to be competing for a spot in the social realm...

I have come to understand life in a broader sense and in days like today, or when I get melancholy drunk, it bothers me that people act so shallow. But I can't really blame them for being blind to the essence of life. You can't really make choices when you see no other options. Only you can choose to ignore something when you become aware of it. So, if I'm aware, it's my responsibility to ignore others "ignorance" and let it go. It's also my responsibility to help others open their eyes. I can't force them, but I can try. What's the point of all the knowledge if you think it's too hard to share it, teach it and learn it all over again?

I guess this dough needs a lot of water... I know also that I'm thinking too much of unimportant things. It's the typical effect of the Sunday Blues, always finding a good reason to think too much of what seems irrelevant. Maybe it is just the unconscious need of drama -a need I don't seem to be able to get rid of, yet. But again, the thin line between ego and generosity. What is what? And how to give without falling into egotistic thinking?

What's important is that even when this Sunday was a cloudy one, I got a glimpse of sunshine by the end of the day...

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